Writers Block or Lack of Discipline?

I’m stuck in a conundrum. Sitting in the confines of a cubicle, I used to joke that my most inspired moments were at 10AM. I’d drive to work in silence (my car ride often the only few minutes of silence in my day) and ideas would begin to take form in my mind. My workday would begin with good mornings, coffee and returning phone calls.  Around 10, my mind would often drift back to those half formed thoughts and I would quickly jot them down in a notebook that I had, full of inspiration, outlining brief sketches of the images in my mind.  I remember the feelings of frustration that I would have, feeling constricted because the few stolen moments would be interrupted by phone calls or the next task that had to be completed.

Now I am a stay at home mom.  I’d let out a big sign of relief as I carried my box of framed pictures and cubicle decorations to my car, elated that I would have time to write and to create.  I would be able to spend time with my daughter, help my son with his homework and use all of my extra time working on a short story that has been in progress longer than I would like to admit. 

My reality, however, is not quite what I thought that it would be. I anticipated a period of transition. I knew that it was going to take a little while to fall into a routine that my children and I would be happy with.  So here I am a full month later and I still feel stuck.  I’ve cleaned the house, figured out a rough schedule for my daughter and I, but the 10am lightening bolt of ideas has vanished.  I am experiencing the conundrum of having more freedom but I haven’t felt the thrill of having inspiration strike. Why the hell am I feeling this block?

So here I am, uninspired and a more than little freaked out about it. I’ve been trying to go through the motions and I have had a couple of good ideas to work with.  I’m really just hoping that I can create balance sooner, rather than later. Perhaps what I need is not inspiration but the discipline to dedicate to writing every single day, even if my mental coffers are dry as a bone. 

My four year old has been begging me to take her to fairy world, so I will have to sign off for now.